even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize