Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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