3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
