Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my being single is dangerous.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
