Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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