I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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