Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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