i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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