hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
