I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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