a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
