weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
