Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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