They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
