he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
