Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
