i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
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If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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