Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
