Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
