he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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