Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
