remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
