I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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