I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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