just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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