Is it because I queefed?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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