508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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