Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
