eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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