Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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