I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
