Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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