Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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