I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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