it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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