I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
