apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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