I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
