Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
