She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
