My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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