i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
