nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
3pm strippers are depressing
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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