He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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