I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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