my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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