that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
