Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
