you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
