Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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