Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
