i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
