he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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