Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
