There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
