You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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