He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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