sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
