its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
