I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
