Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
