at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
