I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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