My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
