Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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