cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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