You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
