Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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