sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
