I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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