Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
