she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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