I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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