Just fell off a train. Bad.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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